downer

Warning, this is not the happiest post I've ever had.

I thought I was doing really well handling not being in Ecuador but.. I'm not. I find myself getting really sad and longing to be back there so much. I figured I would go home and life would be simple, but it's not. I've found myself in weird situations and having to make hard decisions and I just don't wanna do it. Not to mention I don't have the support of all my babies, and my sissys. hmph. I just wanna go back, I miss their kisses, all the little giggles, hugs, tears.. everything. I know that as I go on with life relying on Heavenly Father things will work out and it will start to get easier. I just find myself struggling to keep a positive attitude all the time when all I really want is to be with bets, and sleeping in my uncomfortable bed. I'm blessed to have been able to even go in the first place, I just am having a hard time adjusting. I think because now that it's been a week since I've been home and it's become more real then ever that I will most likely never see my children again. (in this life anyway) I also am having a hard time being without Lauren. She's my rock, and my strength. 17 more months.

SO, I've returned to lists. My journal is getting tired of me I think. I keep making lists on what I need to accomplish on every scale of time from the next day, to this month, to the end of my life. Goals are good, they give meaning and purpose. It also creates a limitations, and something to work hard for. I'm just grateful to have what I do. I know eventually it will get easier this is just the process.

love to all.


cass.